Epic Rap Battles of Happy Tree Friends
by Rob Daland
Summary: The happy tree friends face off in rap battles. Warning: bad language and sexual references
1. Splendid vs Flippy

Cuddles: Why are we doing these crappy rap battles again?

Toothy: Because the writer is having a stressful life as a fulltime worker.

-oOo-

Flippy:

Well hello there superman ripoff!

The one that fucks up every rescue attempt

He can get his hands on!

You can't save anyone

Not even your die hard fans!

Why don't you flip onto your back

And let me cut you to pieces?

I'm a veteran who went to war and survived it!

While you are fighting a war against haters

Of a furry kind!

-oOo-

Splendid:

Look at you! You pants less joe

You dress like a call girl in a soldier's getup!

While you rarely show up on the computer or an episode

I am welcomed by all happy tree friends!

You bring fear to the hearts of anything furry!

What kind of killer killed five people

While your stupid counter part only killed 68

I killed 81 motherfuckas and not going to stop there

-oOo-

Fliqpy:

Shut the fuck up let me take him!

Who's the one that helped a bear survived the war?

Who's the one that survived a whole army?

Who's the one that squashed a dictator?

You couldn't even kill you evil counterpart

Without destroying an entire town!

I'll grab a handful of Kryptonut and shove it up your ass!

-oOo-

Splendid:

You're a lonely shadow!

You barely have friends or pussies!

Me I can call in my friends the

Supremely Sensational Stupendously

Spectacular Super Squad (SSSSSuper Squad)

And have them finally put you down

You messed up Care Bear!

Who won? You want more? You decide! Just comment on me to make more.


	2. Sniffles vs Cuddles

Cuddles and Giggles are at an ice cream palor. Sniffles comes in and notices them together. Sniffle is madly in love with her and is extremely jealous of Cuddles. How will he win Giggles? With a rap battle!

-oOo-

Cuddles:

Oh boy, look at what we have here!

A nerdy big nose with a bad case of the "blues"!

Check me out Giggles I'm all sunny and exciting!

He only cares about his inventions

And doesn't care about who gets hurt!

Me, I am the first character ever

Created he came in eighth!

I will always try to protect you from harm while

"Little Spook Blue" left you to die three times!

-oOo-

Sniffles:

Let me tell you the truth about your boyfriend.

He's reckless! Dangerous!

And has an IQ lower than me.

Me I am an Albert Einstein!

The man that created a time machine, jet pack, ant robot, and etc!

The only thing that Cuddles create is "Resistance is Futile"

Oh wait he did not invent it

Because he ripped off!

I am one of the lucky ones that died 43 times

He got himself killed 55 times

And took people with him to the grave!

-oOo-

Russell:

You don't need these two when you have a captain!

I own my own restaurant chain and drive my own boat!

Cuddles wears pink slipper and weird looking cheeks, what does that tell you?

Sniffles wears ballpoint pens that he barely uses, that means he's a bore!

Me I fish and I sail the seas!

You are my nymph and my idol!

I'll create a loveboat out of pieces of the ocean

Just for you!

I'll gut theses two pigs with my hook

And use their organs as bait when I go fishing!

-oOo-

Disco Bear:

Oh Yeah!

Look at me girl!

A bear that is fully dressed with a shirt, pants, and shoes!

The rebel and geek are nudist that have no taste in style.

The pirate is nothing more than a cripple with no life or future.

Me, I have a life and a future with you!

I have money and a pimped out house with a 70's theme!

So come on a live with as my sexy dancing partner!

-oOo-

Giggles:

Shut Up!

Here's the truth!

I am not the girl you think I am!

Cuddles you're a dumbass!

Sniffles you are a selfish nerd!

Russell, I don't find your getup attractive!

Disco, you are a washed up has been singer with a tiny penis!

Me I am a female playa!

A girl that had it in with The Mole, Cro-Marmot, Mime, and Flippy!

Meaning that I love to fuck with any man

Than I break and ruin their hearts!

I am the pink version of Catherine the Great

But I fucked more furries than she ever did!

-oOo-

All the boys are shocked to see the really Giggles.

Sniffles: Do you want to kill her my friends?

Disco: Oh yeah!

Russell: Arr!

Cuddles: Fuck Yeah!

Giggles: Wait what?!


	3. Russell vs Handy

Russell: I am glad that Giggles is rotting in Davey Jone's Locker.

?: Not so fast!

Russell: Who are you?

-oOo-

Handy:

My name is Handy boy and this is my construction zone

I am loved all the female characters you ever known

From Petunia, Giggles, Flaky to your mama

You dated a bimbo that you put in a comma

All give me hugs, you can't even get a hug from a lama

No one wants to touch a man who jacks off with only one hand

I'll use my tool belt to build you your coffin

Because it's the day that you will meet your home sweet goffin

-oOo-

Russell:

Oh really handless Joe?

How are you able to create shit below your little Monroe?

What you have a Santa's little helper with you in your belt?

I'll catch you with my net and eat like a tiny little smelt

I'm a captain of a ship and a successful food chain

The only thing your captain of is an ass pain

You always do a horrible job directing people on assignments

From Giggles home to a bridge you need refinements

-oOo-

Handy:

Piss off cripple! I only lost my two hands but at least I can stand

I don't need to jack off I can use Petunia to lend me a hand

Most of all you're a weirdo with a pirate captain's hat

We all know the times when you snapped and acted like a scared rat

I mean look at "Get Whale Soon" and "Snow Place to Go"

Me, I'm a sane man who makes money and is a pro

To me you are a sad little boy playing pirate dress up

The point is I came before you making me a grown up

-oOo-

Russell:

If you are a grown than why do you ride a school buss with kids?

I doubt you could even drive your helicopter or clean its landing skids

Hey I'm glad I like my hat because your hat is completely useless

Most of your deaths involve your head and your hard hat, acquiesce?

Not only did you kill girls but I never harmed a girl

I am a lady's man boy now wrap your belt in a curl!

I'll sail the seven seas and find buried treasure

While you'll be stuck on the shore wasting away your leisure

-oOo-

Who won? Who's next? You decide!


	4. Cro-Marmot vs Mime

Mime:

Mime pumps his legs up and down pretending to be on an unicycle

He then points to Cro and stands still

Mime shows a picture of Giggles and Petunia and humps the air

He points to Cro and makes a dick shrinking move

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

-oOo-

Cro-Marmot:

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

-oOo-

Mime:

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

Mime pretends to be trapped in a box

Mime unzips his pants and pees on Cro

Mime smiles

-oOo-

Cro-Marmot:

…

…

…

…

…

The piss warms the ice giving Cro the chance to break free of his prison

I rarely die in episodes

I'll beat you to death with my club

-oOo-

Who won? Who's next? You decide!


	5. Toothy vs Pop

Warning this battle has rude words for a homosexual and has a dirty ending bewared!

Walk away if you are lower that 18 years of age!

-oOo-

Pop:

Dear me, why do I have to fight off against a kid?

I rather fight an intelligent giant squid!

This kid is a slacker and spends most of his time watching horror movies

Why don't you come on over and play with my activities

I am a responsible father with a son and a job

What do you do besides being a slob

I am a full grown man doing some banking

Sit down in my lap son and let me give you a good spanking

-oOo-

Toothy:

Oh yeah its you, the stereotypical clueless 1950s daddy

Why don't you take a break from smoking all that "Johnny"

Afterall you tend to kill your own son every time you appear on screen

I can take care of my AIA Film Festival award, I mean look at the sheen!

I am one of the first characters ever created for this cartoon

No one knows who you are expect a decadent television goon!

I'll use my buckteeth and chip away to your cancer filled lungs

And then use them as bicycle seats on my pimped out ride

-oOo-

Pop:

Who are you calling a goon you little purple "fag" end?

What you miss your blue superman ripoff boyfriend?

Or is that reckless yellow bunny that you would love to make your chick

Why don't you come on over here and look at my huge dick!?

I bet that I could satisfy you with my huge length

Your teeth look all shiny and would feel great on it

So…move your beautiful sexy body over here and…

Let me give you a kiss

-oOo-

Toothy:

Who are you calling a fag!?

No wonder you wife died and raised the white flag

I bet she could not deal with someone like you

You sexy old man that might have a larger dick than me to pleasure a woman

That is getting me…interested

Here let me take off that sexy outfit of yours

…

Dear god!

-oOo-

Pop: Wanna make out?

Toothy: Hell yes!

They began to make out

-oOo-

UH, who won? Who's next? You decide!


	6. Mr Pickles vs Cub

Cub opens his mouth but Mr. Pickles jumps out of Cub's mouth all covered in blood. Cub's body falls to the ground.


	7. Truffles vs Lammy

Lammy:

Let's look at the results here, look I have been voted in for a new friend

You lost by a measly 33,034 votes in the end

I could tell why, look at you, you look like a man in a baby's getup

Me I am wear good-looking bow ties and woolen coast, nice setup

Not only was I voted for but I became an actual Happy Tree Friend

Besides being blue you are nothing but a shadow in the background, friend

If you think you can top that you are mistaken

I'll sick Mr. Pickles on you and let him cut you down to bacon

-oOo-

Truffles:

Run away everyone it's the "Cousin Oliver" of our show

Because of your introduction our cartoon was going to be thrown out in the snow

I do not care about facts of the votes I am a rich snob

You are nothing more than a crazy little sob

Your only friend is a little hat wearing pickle that only you can see

Compared to my scenes in the show you are nothing more than a flea

Listen here you schizophrenic wool coat loving lamb

Come back on the show than I will turn you into ham

-oOo-

Out of nowhere Rhode Monijo comes in between the rap battle.

Monijo: Guys, I am sorry but we are canceling production of more episodes staring both of you guys.

Lammy: What?

Truffles: Are you fucking kidding?

Monijo: Lammy you are a "Cousin Oliver" and almost killed Happy Tree Friends. We can't have a character like you in our show. Truffles, no likes you sorry dude.

With that Monijo disappears leaving Lammy and Truffles all alone.

Truffles turns his attention back to Lammy smiles, takes out some drugs and says, "Want to get high?"

Lammy smiles and says, "Fuck yeah!"

-oOo-

Who won? Who's next? You decide!


	8. Flaky vs Petunia

This one is for my reviewer lajh

Petunia:

I am one of the popular characters of the Happy Tree Friends

So just sit there and smoke some of Pop's sens

I am a reference to the classic Bambi's friend Flower

Your reference is from your hideously "Flaky" hair of a dour

Look at yourself you are nothing more than quills sprinkled with dandruff

I should get Lumpy to place you in a pair of handcuff

Oh wait; I don't think I need to do that to a coward like you

I bet you would have fainted if I touched you

Flaky:

I have never killed you before in the cartoon but I think I can make an exception

Who are you calling a coward, are you trying to change everyone's perception?

I might have been afraid but there were times that I should myself as a brave hero

You can't even be brave around any piece of dirt times zero

Besides you being a neat freak I am a tomboy who doesn't care if she gets dirty

I'll take all of my quills and stab you again and again times thirty

If you are going to kill me than do it already in a manner of sass

But be warned my dead body will still kick your ass

Petunia:

I got Handy in my bed back stage when was the last time you ever got laid

I bet you that your crazy boyfriend Flippy won't give you any aide

Besides is it true that there is a brand of cereal based off of your "flakes"

Oh well I guess you don't know the stakes

I'll spray you in the eyes with my skunk's spray you boy or girl

We still don't know your gender so let's put that on a whirl

Besides, should I call you Flaky or Corky?

I guess I should call you "Shaky"

Flaky:

You are one of the nutjobs of the show; I mean look at "Wishy Washy"

You practical killed yourself by not using things that are not squashy

Besides that I die less in the show than you did Miss 50 deaths

Remember to hold that brown paper bag up to your mouth and take deep breaths

Even though Flippy and I are kind of dating at least he can give me a hug

I mean Handy has no arms to hold things how is he going to get you on the rug?

What kind of a skunk never used her own spray I never seen it?

Why don't you clean yourself up, because I am leaving this skit

Who won? Who's next? You decide!


	9. Disco Bear vs Nutty

Disco Bear:

Oh Yeah!

Step aside boy and let the really playa take the gold here

We all know who is going to win so you don't need to hire a seer

I am a successful disco man from the 70s that gets bitches

While you spend most of you're time at hospitals getting checkups and stitches

You are a person that dies more than me while wearing nothing but sweetmeats

Really can't you wear anything that would give your penis pig meats?

Cut back on the sugar and why don't you do some dance moves

So you don't have to be a large living beehive

-oOo-

Nutty:

MMMM YUM YUM YUM (munch)

I don't need to do some dance moves I am more active than you fatso

You look like a washed up Elvis that never did anything like a matzo

I may have died more than you but let me tell you why

No one likes you; I am the most popular character in this show you lazy guy

If you are a famous disco singer than where the fuck are your records!?

The only thing that you do is stalk women and they would always use their wards

Even though I am hyperactive I have friends that love and care about me

You, on the other hand, are going to die alone and broke; lets agree to disagree

-oOo-

Disco Bear:

I don't give a fuck if people hate me; I am more popular on television

Why don't you get your eye looked at anyway, you have a fucked up vision

You are so addicted to candy that you would commit crimes to get it

Only a handful of people don't like you I mean look at the "Sucker for Love" skit

Even if you try to fix yourself you would find another thing to be addicted to

Look at the "False Alarm" game; the games made you forget how to chew

Let me show some dance moves that will make you crunch:

Step to the right than slide, step to the left than slide, kick, kick, kick, than punch

-oOo-

Nutty:

That's it? You are planning on killing me with your little dance attack?

Hello? It's for you; Disco Stew wants his outfit back

If you are trying to kill the squirrel that killed Cro-Marmot you are mistaken

Wait; weren't you killed by Giggles, a chipmunk, you old leathery bacon?

Another thing how old are you really "Disco"? Did you not get the presage?

You are dating people in their twenties and you don't seem to get the message

Why don't you let me show you a really dance move, mmmm?

Unwrap, lick, lick, suck, crunch. MMMMMMMMMMMMM!

-oOo-

Who won? Who's next? You decide!


	10. Splendont vs Tiger General

This idea is dedicated to boony832.

-oOo-

Tiger General:

How dare you commit assault against a royal figure you Bizarro rip-off

I am the almighty leader that bitch slapped Flippy without a tip-off

Among my small soldiers I am a god of victory to them, my ground crew

So tall that I could even rise above a tiny super villain like you

I'll slaughter a million of invading troops to protect my ideology

While you accidentally kill civilians with your lame biology

If you are supposed to be powerful than, why could you not escape from a mirror?

No prison could hold me; I'll just use my claw to perform an act of shear

-oOo-

Splendont:

You say you are a god, explain to me on why Flippy was able to kill you

I'm pretty sure that I can do it too without the SSSSSuper Crew

I am also the one that put a stop to Splendid's hero duty

The only thing that you could do is buy weapons with your booty

This super hero saved a train and a burning building without breaking a sweat

Creatures die everyday so I don't give a fuck about them or your threat

To top it all off, I am the most popular character in fanfiction

While you are a lame character that's about to experience a crucifixion

-oOo-

Tiger General:

I am an experienced strategist that had plans of bombing our enemies

You don't even think ahead when you try to save people or babies

I am the first antagonist that was created for "Ka-Pow!"

While you are a super villain that will be beaten by me, a "Mao"

I'll dip my claw in Kryptonut and gut you like a pig

I have seen better super villains than a squirrel like you, prig

I am a world dictator that will one day conquer the Happy Tree Friends

You will be nothing more than my personal slave that will lick my ends

-oOo-

Splendont:

I attack, you decay and burn underneath my laser vision

I'll then send the moon towards you into a collision

I'll then rip your arms off and shove them up your ass

I will break into your base and convert all of your masses

I destroyed a city and a hospital with a bitch slap

You on the other hand only kill creatures by hap

Afterwards I will shove you into a mirror and give you want you always wanted

Immortality, undaunted

-oOo-

Who won? Who's next? You decide.


	11. Lifty & Shifty vs Giggles & Petunia

Inspired b 27 idea  u/4600705/L-J-H-27

-oOo-

(L) Lifty

(S) Shifty

(G) Giggles

(P) Petunia

-oOo-

Lifty & Shifty:

(L&S) We're the thieving twins of the show and there are no others

(S) We are blood brothers (L) while you two don't have the theme of blood brothers

(L) You two believe that you could take us?

(S) A damsel in distress and a germ phobic that pissed herself on a bus?

(L&S) You can't top brothers like us, we always stick together as a pair

(S) Since we die together and you die all alone and apart (L) lets share a tear

(L) Lets all cry for the girls that died more than we did

(S) To top it off, you recently died in an episode featuring a giant squid

-oOo-

Giggles & Petunia:

(G) We may have died more than you (P) but you have low survival rates bitches!

(G&P) We're Giggles and Petunia and these doctors will put you into stitches

(G) You constantly lie that you are loving brothers but you both backstab each other

(P) You guys to me seem like a Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum than loving brothers

(G&P) These girls are best friends that share things together, including men!

(G) We bitch slap each of you (P) then we each take turns shooting you with a bren

(P) Our homes are pimped out and are all super flash from our ammonia

(G) While you live all alone in a run down apartment trapped in you kleptomania

-oOo-

Lifty & Shifty:

(L&S) We may be living in a dump, but we are both breadwinners and proud

(L) You two ran a crappy lemonade stand (S) and we robbed it in front of a crowd

(S) Yes we don't get along all the time but I am the brain of the operations

(Lifty: Wait what?)

(S) We can still make money without having to fill out any job applications

(Lifty is getting frustrated)

(L) I am also the hand of our plans cause I could build a van and could lay with any girl

(Shifty butts in)

(S) Yes we are both 28 and we have girlfriends check out our gift a stolen pearl

(S) Want to know why we are green? We represent money and greed

(L) Uh, now let's drink some…mead?

(Shifty is getting frustrated)

-oOo-

Giggles & Petunia:

(G&P) You're 28? Ha, you both look younger than that you greedy cowards

(G) You think you are the male version of the fifth wife of King Henry VIII, a Howard's?

(P) We all have regular jobs and we don't rip people off like you do

(G) You think a pearl is worth it? (P) Our boyfriends do everything, unlike your shrew

(G&P) With whatever they have they make our lives so happy

(G&P) And we don't care if it's from a $1 store and aren't so snappy

(G&P) Not to mention we fucked Handy, Cuddles, Mime, and so on

(G&P) You are all lonely and before you know it, you'll be all gone

-oOo-

Lifty and Shifty eyes widened.

Shifty says, "We have girls…Lifty go get one."

Lifty becomes puzzled and asks, "What girl?"

"Our girl."

"But we don't have-"

"Get one!"

Lifty walks away from Shifty and opens a door in the background and goes through it. Before it closes Cuddles and Handy walks in.

Cuddles spots Giggles and says, "Hello baby!" He walks over to her and makes out with her.

Handy smiles when he sees Petunia and say, "Hi!"

Petunia smiles back and says, "Hi!" She walks over to him and gives him a peck on his cheek.

Shifty is becoming all twitchy as each couple kisses each other.

After Cuddles and Giggles are done making out with each, Cuddles sneers at him.

"So," Cuddles says, "Where's your girl?"

"She's on her way!"

"Is it a mail ordered bride?"

This infuriates Shifty, "No you cocksucker!"

"Than-"

The door bursts opens and we see Lifty dragging Flaky right from behind.

"I got her!" Lifty cries.

Flaky does not seem to be happy that she is here, because she is struggling to get out of Lifty's grip but he has a good hold of her.

Shifty sneers and says, "Here's are precious girl."

Flaky says, "What is going on here! I was buying some dandruff until Lifty kidnapped me!"

Lifty laughs and says, "She's such a crack up!"

"Go to hell, scoundrel!"

Shifty clenches his teeth and says, "I wish it was the old days when you can beat a girl into submission."

Lifty moves Flaky and places her in between him and his brother. But the others are not convinced.

Giggles, "Are you sure she's your girl?"

Shifty says, "Why are you alive anyway? I thought you died in the second episode?"

"Oh, well, since the animators are Satan worshippers they were able to bring me back. Not to mention Daland has the power to bring people back from the dead."

Lifty became shocked and says, "Really?"

"No, I was able to kill a drifter and than rip out both his organs and his skeleton. Now I am a chipmunk that might have hepatitis."

Everyone became shocked, even Cuddles.

Petunia says, "Dear God!"

"Oh pleases!"

Shifty butts in, "At least we share the same girl!"

Handy says, "I don't think you could do that."

Lifty buts in and says, "Have you seen that awesome movie Savages?"

"Oh, yeah they shared the same woman."

Cuddles buts in and says, "That movie sucked!"

"It sure did," Giggles says.

"I thought it was great," Flaky says.

Liftys says, "Same here."

Cuddles then say, "Exactly."

"ENOUGH!" Shifty says, "Flaky kiss us!

"What?" Flaky says.

"Just kiss us!"

Shifty tries to kiss Flaky but Flaky is still trying to resist him. As Shifty is trying to get a better grip on her Flaky head butts him in the head. What they were not expecting was that some of her quills impaled him in his eyes. He grips his eyes and starts to scream like a little girl. Flaky becomes frighten and tries to run away but Lifty is blocking her path. Before he could do anything Flaky kicks him in the balls. He cradles his balls, covered with quills, as he falls to the floor. With nothing else in her way she runs to the door not even caring if she hits anything. She knocks the door down and runs off the set. And Cuddles, Giggles, Petunia, and Handy were watching the whole thing.

Handy asks, "Should we call somebody?"

Cuddles thinks for a few seconds and says, "No, their okay! Hey, let's have a foursome in my house!"

Giggle beams and say, "Fuck yeah!"

Handy says, "Sure."

Petunia says, "Okay, but let me get some hand sanitizer."

They leave hand in hand towards the door leaving the twins moaning on the floor. Shifty is crying blood from his eyes and Lifty is cradling his jewels.

Lifty is able to say two words, "MY…PRES…CIOUS!


	12. Lumpy vs The Mole

Mole:

Mole swings his cane to the right and then to the left

-oOo-

Lumpy:

He interrupts Mole and steps on him, squishing him like a bug.

"Give me a better challenge you asshole," Lumpy yells at the writer.

The writer says, "Hey give me a break! I wrote a crappy rap battle for the HUB channel-"

"Yes it sucks but give me a better rap battle victim!"

"Okay well, there is an old suggestion made by waffle 9?"

"Fine whatever."

-oOo-

Anyway-Who won? Who's next you decide!


	13. Lumpy vs Russell

"Okay," Russell says, "So I am to do another rap battle? Okay let's get it over with who is it?"

His challenger shows himself and he is shocked.

"No…no! I'm going to kick your ass retard!"

-oOo-

Russell:

You think could you could beat me, you Bullwinkle rip-off/rambler?

The character that has fucked up eyes, teeth, and antlers

We may have the same colors but your brain is in a different hue

You think you could beat a guy with a higher IQ than you?

As the only character that is the most stupidest on the show

Anyone could out smart you, even a tiny black crow

Lucky for me I have brains enough to live in a nice house that's well furnished

Look at that motor home you call home, it looks like it belongs to crab louse

-oOo-

Lumpy:

Of course I live in a run of the dump house, but that is only a red herring

For I am the richest moose in the city that never has done any profit sharing

Doesn't anyone notice I own an amusement park and worked as a ringmaster?

Besides look at your hands, I bet you can't even shake hands with me, a pastor

With that hook hand and your two peg legs you look like a messed up Potato Head

By arguing with the man that killed over 170 people you are surely going to be dead

I am not a rip-off; Disney's Goofy inspired my creation

You got your inspiration from background pirates at a gas station

-oOo-

Russell:

Who are you calling a background pirate? I am an original character!

Do you wear clothes or stay naked? I can't tell from either!

Look at this outfit I am wearing, it matches my missing limbs

You ARE a background character that the animators shove in for wins

Besides I have girls waiting on my ship in the harbor

The only way you get girls is by exposing yourself and your enlarger

You are nothing but a pedophile that needs to be in Davey Jone's Locker

You moose made a mistake by messing with this otter

-oOo-

Lumpy:

Shut up shorty and let the big man do all the talking!

After this battle I am going to start balking

I don't need to get girls when I have cheese and sandwiches

I don't care about you so I won't pay for the damages

Another thing how on Earth are you talking to me

I am the one on this show that can say actual words you little pea

With a "What the fuck" and "No wait! Hold on a minute!" I will ruin you

After I stab you with my antlers I'll make your name a taboo

-oOo-

Who won? Who's next? You decide!


	14. Mouse Ka-Boom vs Sneaky

Based on the idea of PLAINAWESOME

-oOo-

Sneaky:

Well hello there, Mouser, from the Super Mario Brothers 2

Now get ready for me to turn you into fondue

I am the first anthropomorphic reptile ever created for this Internet show

While you are a last minute replacement for a rhino with a masculine glow

This reptile is an excellent killing machine that downed enemy troops

You're very bomb got yourself killed, whoops

I forgot you can't hear me Helen Keller

Why don't you just run and hide into a cellar?

-oOo-

Mouse Ka-Boom:

How dare you insult this Frenchman with a disability!

Prepare to receive a taste of humility!

I am an inspiration from the French Resistance of WWII

And I will be the one to turn you to fondue

I can hear you perfectly with my implants

Get ready to be buried under plants

Now-

-oOo-

Sneaky:

What's with the big bag?

You look like a time bomb waiting to be blown to rags

-oOo-

Mouse Ka-Boom:

You have weird eyes!

-oOo-

Sneaky:

You have a weird moustache!

-oOo-

Mouse Ka-Boom:

You look like you have dried cum all over your face!

-oOo-

Flippy pops up and interrupts the battle.

-oOo-

Flippy:

By the power invested to me by Lyndon Johnson

My teammates are not going to be ending this run

We are soldiers fighting for Capitalism

The soldiers that are going to try to kill Communism

WE must work together or else the enemy will bitch slap the shit out of us

Lets go for the people by the people, yes?

-oOo-

Who won? Who's next? You decide!


	15. Cuddles vs Sniffles

Authors note: Okay guys I want to thank you all for your wonderful support and ideas but I am going to make the season finale after this episode. I am sorry that I did not do the rap battles that you wanted me to do, but I am thinking about doing them in Season 2. But now I need to focus on my work and my other incomplete stories. Yes they some are pornographic, I have a sick mind, but I don't want to leave them unfinished. I promise that there will be a season 2 just not this year, probably the following year of 2014. Thank you for all of your support. From Rob Daland.

-oOo-

Cuddles is the most happiest bunny on his TV show, he had a foursome and he loved it. He, unknown to people, is a rebel who takes drugs and does women and doesn't care about who thinks him ill. He is currently leaving his bedroom, with a smile on his face.

"Best night ever," he said to himself, "I need a drink to celebrate."

He walks into his kitchen and opens up his refrigerator, inside is his favorite carrot flavored beer. He is not allergic to carrots; the reason why he had an allergic reaction is because the bastards that grew the carrots combined it with DNA from peanuts. Peanuts are what he is allergic to.

As he reaches down to grab his beer he heard something, breathing; not his and it is coming from behind him. He knows how Giggles, Handy, and Petunia breath but this is not theirs. He however has no time to react because a bag is thrown over his head.

-oOo-

Cuddles has no idea what the hell is going on until the bag is ripped off his face and he finds himself in the rap battle room, the room where most of the battles take place. He is not alone though his friend/enemy is also there with him. Now this friend might look nerdy and all, but in real life he is a mad scientist who is deeply in love with Giggles and would kill anyone that gets in his way. Cuddles is however the one that he wants to kill right now.

"Hello Cuddles," the friend says, "Miss me?"

"Not really," Cuddles responds, "Why did you bring me back here anyway nerd?"

"Because our battle was interrupted by assholes and I did not have the pleasure of humiliating you. Now I am going to finish the job."

-oOo-

Sniffles:

I am the mad scientist that could make horrible creations that wreck havoc on this show

The only creation you created is shit coming out of your ass, so just sit down and go

You may have been a main character in the show but I am heading towards the top

You carrot eating fuck is a washed up main character that is becoming a flop

Look at the way you dress, you look like a demented looking bugs bunny that likes men

With your weird looking cheeks and your bunny slippers you make a cute little wren

Unlike your high death count I barely die and I happen to kill more than you

As my next victim I will sick my robot ant out and have him devour you

-oOo-

Cuddles:

A low death count? That doesn't mean that you are a survivor nerd!

It is because you are the least popular character on the show so take that word!

I might have not killed as many as you but I am extremely popular among fans

Having a high death counts gives me a big crowd and I can hear them clapping with their hands

You die less because no one likes a boy who could barely get women in his bed

Even your favorite food the ant despises you and even made you dead

I am sorry, were you the first Happy Tree Friend to be created?

No you cocksucker, it's me Cuddles the adorable rebel that's elated!

-oOo-

Sniffles:

Are you really the first character to be created for the show?

We have evidence proving that you were second and the first one was Shifty you lying sow!

Another thing, I was in the first episode staring only one character: me in "Crazy Antics"

Let's talk truth here, flashing lights give you epilepsy and not to me; read those semantics

Just to let you know, due to my high intelligent I make more money than you sucker

You just got owned by an animal that did not originate from North America, mucker

Back to me I have friends that are reliable while you are stuck with a purple homosexual

The rest of my friends, including Nutty (not counting Toothy) are all heterosexual

-oOo-

Cuddles:

Woah hold on man, I can't stand racism! I am friends with everyone ask Toothy and Pop

You must be a really lonely friend having no pets or animals around you; word of advice shop

FYI I am both right handed and left handed bitch. You have the crappiest eyesight

I have my very own MySpace account and you don't emo, is that all right?

I am pretty sure you can't touch me with all of your inventions faulting around you

You're like a mad scientist that only makes crap from scrap metal too

I'll just give you a karate chop and feed you to the ants

I am the most popular character of the show that should have his name all over the actors' implants

-oOo-

Cuddles begin to pant and sneer evilly at Sniffles.

"Well?" Cuddles ask, "How are you going to top that? Huh?"

Sniffles basically has his back to Cuddles so the rabbit has no idea what is going through the nerd's mind.

"What are you doing nerd?"

That is when Cuddles here something that actual shocked him: laughter. It started out quiet at first then it begins to get louder. This laughter, he can tell, is Sniffles very own trademark laughter.

"What's so funny?"

Sniffles does not respond back he continues to cackle away acting like there is no care in the world.

"Hey! What's so funny?"

Sniffles finally says, "Do you think I would not have a back up plan? I am a genius. A fucking Albert Einstein! We are going to try something different. Something different for the season finale….A group rap battle."

With that being said Sniffles snaps his fingers and Cuddles could hear multiple footsteps coming into his picture.

-oOo-

Who won? Who should be on whose team? You decide!

I am giving you one to two weeks for the teams. Good luck!


	16. Season Finale

Okay guys, I want to thank you all for your support in making these wonderful rap battles. There is however one loyal fan that I want to make a shout out to: Insertcreativepennamehereplz. He gave me the idea of a group rap battle and he is always honest when we talk about my rap battles and what needs improvements. I am not just thanking him, but all of you for your ideas and support.

-oOo-

Cuddles: We are the most popular characters of the show that should have their names all over implants

Toothy: And we are all going to bury the likes of you in a cemetery under some dead plants

Mime: He pretends to be trapped in a box

Lumpy: We are the only ones that have decent jobs than you losers!

Flaky: If you do kill us, then are dead bodies will still inflict some damage onto you suckers

Lammy: I am sane you fuckers!

Splendid: You are nothing more than messed up care bears with bad make up

Mouse Ka-Boom: Now let us throw a bomb and blow you all up

-oOo-

Sniffles: I am the mad scientist and this is my army of evil

Tiger General: And we are going throw all of your dead bodies in a pile and form an upheaval

Truffles: I may have lost but most of us are rich while you all live out in the snow

Cub: Smiles and takes in his surroundings

Shifty: You can't stop brothers like us cause we would always bounce back

Lifty: We are all back for our revenge so we hope you are ready for a bitch smack

Pop: Be prepared to be dealt in another lesson cause I am going to show you who's daddy

Nutty: And I am doing this all for candy

-oOo-

Sneaky: We are all warriors here while you are nothing more than little girls

Giggles: I bet you asswipes can't even get any of us girls in bed; don't bet us with pearls!

Petunia: After this fight you better wipe your selves off with hand sanitizers

Mr. Pickles: He tops his hat to the crowd

Handy: We are going to use my tools to build each of you coffins that match your lame themes

Flippy: I on the other hand will trap you in crypts by karate chopping down all of the beams

Cuddles: We are the ultimate badasses of the computer show you motherfuckers!

Mime: He flips off the opposing team

-oOo-

Disco Bear: Oh yeah! Look at us girls we might not of had women in bed but we are still looking

The Mole: He moves his head around pretending to be looking

Splendont: We will tear across your legions and rip you to pieces

Cro-Marmot: …

Russel: Now listen here you douchebags, we are going to win this like Lumpy did at the vegetable faire

Fipqy: I will personal cut you all new assholes a new poop shoot just to be fair

Cub: smiles but Sniffles pushes him out of the way

Sniffles: I am the genius of this show that deserves to be the best character ever created for this show

-oOo-

Who won? Who's-

Wait!

-oOo-

Sniffles says, "Wait! How the hell are their two Flippys?"

Flippy says, "I am using a mirror to even out the teams. It is very helpful when I confront my demons."

"Like trying to figure out that you like men?"

"I have a girlfriend you anti-homosexual nerd!"

"Where are the rat guy and the monkey? Seriously Rob why did you not let those guys stay on my team they could have helped me out?"

Cuddles then buts in and says, "He did not put them in any of the previous rap battles, so it would just be a little awkward if they did not have their own rap battles."

"But I could still win! Because I-"

FIN

Damn!


End file.
